Calvinistic Thinking- Limited Atonement

I have a friend who was married for over twenty years. One day she found out that her husband was having an affair. In fact, he had gone to prostitutes for a while and then found this other woman. He was not sorry. Her world collapsed. She would go to work and not remember any of the drive. She became so physically ill she threw up. She couldn't think straight or concentrate for a year. This is what his unfaithfulness did to her. You probably know someone like her- maybe you have even been her before. I think God feels even more deeply than this. I know we like to think of God as someone who is utterly 'other', someone who is completely unaffected by what we do or how we feel. There is some safety in thinking in this way. If God is so far removed- so utterly 'holy' then what we do doesn't really matter. Our sin is not a big deal and therefore God's wrath wont be such a big deal either. This is not who we see in Jesus. This is not who the Word portrays God to be. God is intimately related to us- humankind who are His creation. I think that God being wholly other than we are means that He loves more deeply, more truly, more passionately than we mere humans can imagine. I think that His capacity to suffer is just as deep and wholly other than ours. We black out, we escape into fantasy or delusion, we deny and ignore. He never does. I think He FEELS in a way that we can not understand. He knows every inch of our rejection of His love, every detail of every betrayal and He takes it all in. He absorbs it in ways we will never understand.

As we look to theology to make sense of who God is we are betrayed at a key point and I think it is important to bring it up now. Most of our 'official' theology was written by lawyers. That's right, Calvin, Luther, Augustine and many others were all trained as lawyers. Now, bypassing all the great lawyer jokes I know let's look critically at what this means. I have some good friends who are lawyers and the reality is that they don't think like the rest of us. I read poetry and they read loopholes. Their worldview is different than most of the rest of us. I think that that is very valuable when trying to write a constitution that will protect the rights of a nation's citizens but it is not so helpful- or at least of limited help- in understanding God. Contrary to some popular books the Bible is not a code to be deciphered or a manual to build a healthy life. It is a love story. I heard a man preach once on Genesis 1 and proclaim emphatically that whales were the first mammal that God created. Well, Genesis 1:21 does list sea monsters first when talking about what God created that day... No, I am sorry Genesis 1 is a beautiful poem about the Creation. It is full of wonderful truths about God, nature, and Man. But reading it with a lawyer's eye is like reading Psalm 23 in order to determine how to get the best return on our flock of sheep. Excuse me while I get up, pace back and forth and give a loud frustrated 'AAARRRGGGHHH!'

So now finally, we come to Limited Atonement. Honestly, I have studied this and tried to get my head around what people are saying with this one and I don't get it. Limited Atonement means that Jesus only died for the elect- those who will be saved. He did not die for the those who will not be saved. Rev in the last comment section said truly that people for both sides could trot out our scriptures for both positions for and against this point and we would not get anywhere. I suppose he is right depending on where we want to go. It seems to me that what the Calvinist is saying is that God accomplishes everything He sets out to do and therefore if some are not in the end saved then He must never have purposed their salvation on the cross. That's lawyer talk for sure. Jesus did not hang on the cross writhing back and forth thinking, 'This blood is for Suzy, but not for Jimmy. This blood is for Sammy, but not for Jenifer.' The picture of the nature of Jesus and of His Father from start to finish is that of a God who stands on the hill over Jerusalem and pleads for His people to come to Him. And lest we lose sight of the facts we are all His people. There is no other creator. The only people walking this earth are people He created. 1 John 2:2 says that, 'he is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.' There are scriptures that could be construed to mean that this is not so, I suppose but the point of what John is saying here is that you need not fear your sin because Jesus death on the cross covers all sin. I am not a Universalist. I do understand that many will reject His sacrifice. Indeed most today do not know or understand His sacrifice and will therefore not benefit from it. But I do not see any value in delineating some kind of fine line between those Jesus loves and redeems and those whom He loves and who remain lost.

I guess the point I want to make in this post is that I don't really care if technically Jesus' sacrifice on the Cross is only 'for' the redeemed or if He really did mean that His sacrifice was sufficient to cover the sins of all men for all time. The nature of Jesus is that He loves all of us with a real and tangible love that is deeper and more passionate than pitiable human words can convey. Do what you want with the lawyer talk but do not minimize His love because to do so would minimize His pain. The depth of His pain is real just as the depth of His love is. His wrath makes no sense otherwise and His wrath is real as well. Since I have been back in the West I have heard several people say that we hear too much preaching on the love of God, what we need is more preaching on His wrath. I hate this kind of talk with a great hate. It is a misunderstanding of who He is on so many levels. There is no wrath without great love and I don't hear anyone talking about His love with any depth of passion. Preaching on His love is sufficient to change the world. Too many have opted out of the true Gospel for a bunch of lawyer talk that presents passionless principals for living that look nothing like the one who laid down His life for us. Let us be passionate, feeling, loving people who serve and walk in the ways of a passionate, feeling, loving God. Surely His sacrifice has purchased at least that much?

The Ministry of Injustice

Well, I had several posts I was meaning to get up here but life has caught up to me. Arwen and I spent several days down in San Antonio without the kids! Then we got back and we hear from Middle Earth that the Ministry of Justice seems to think we are doing evangelism and now they want to shut our aid agency down. I wish I was more guilty than I am but nevertheless they are taking us to court soon and it wont be pretty. I should be able to get back into Gondor in December and then this whole thing will take the best part of next year to sort out but as of right now unless someone steps in and tell the Ministry to back off of us then we will be out sometime in 2009. I am not worried about it as our Father has a good plan. We may yet stay- or if we go we will go on to do His will wherever He calls us to. Arwen and I are at peace and so is our team on the ground. Nevertheless pray for the Boss's own wisdom and power to be at work in our lives and the lives of those in Gondor and throughout Middle Earth.

Calvinist Thinking: Unconditional Election and Irresistable Grace

A few years ago Gandalf had a Bible study with some of the Muslim guys who work for us. I was concerned at first because I did not want the fact that they worked for our aid organization to influence what they would say to us about their faith. The truth is I would rather go to their homes and discuss God. But Gandalf said that God was moving him to do this so he did it. Four of the guys attended every morning and paid close attention to what was said. One guy always found reasons not to be there- he is still working with us and is a great guy but just as lost as the first day we met him. But the others listened and as they did one of them seemed to be changing. He cleaned up his language and really seemed to soften. He was a truck driver and a pretty rough character really. After a couple of months he seemed to be a completely different guy. I am not just talking about language but about optimism, charity, hope, and kindness. We were all quite excited to see the transformation in him. Then one day he got in an argument with one of the other workers. I don't know what started it but as I came out of the office he declared to Gandalf and to the other workers there, 'I will never believe that Jesus was the Son of God.' After that he began to deteriorate quickly. He began swearing, he was rude, he was dishonest. Six months later I fired him for stealing.

Well, you can see where I am going with this already can't you? And some of you are quite unhappy about it I am sure. So, let's start from the top. First, while this is a powerful story in my mind it does not overthrow the Word. My theology is built on the Word of God not my experience. I can misread my experience but the Word says what it says. Today we are looking at the U and the I of the Tulip. They do in fact go together (for many Calvinist the TULIP as a whole goes together) and I could not think of a way of approaching one without talking about the other.

Unconditional Election is an important Calvinist teaching that has much merit for us to consider. Calvin used this concept to emphasis that Man can not earn his salvation. There is nothing that Man can do to 'force' God to do anything. With this concept in mind most Calvinists go on to say that this means that men and women are saved by the grace of God alone and Man's choosing to accept God's offer of Grace is simply Man's preordained response to God's call. To put it more simply God calls and Man must respond with a yes. Calvinists reasoning at this point explains that if Man responds of his own volition to the call of God then that constitutes a 'work' that Man could boast in. "Yes, it was God's lucky day when I said, 'yes' to His call." Irresistible Grace takes the idea one step further and states that whoever is called must answer yes. The reason for this concept is that God is Sovereign and if Man could potentially say no to Him He not only would not be sovereign but again, all those who were smart enough to say yes would have reason to boast.

I hope that I have explained these concepts fairly- if not thoroughly- and that everyone reading has a good grasp of what is being discussed to this point. I apologize to my Calvinist friends who doubtless feel I have done a poor job but in my defense I was never destined to be a great theologian or deep thinker. What I really want to address now is where Jesus stands in all of this.

First, let me say that God's sovereignty is a literal reality and I respect Calvinist for highlighting it. Too often Christians glibly say that 'He is in control' and then live a life of high octane anxiety that clearly indicates they either do not believe He is in control or do not trust Him to control things 'properly.' I do believe that the Bible paints a picture of a God who knows what is going on and is in control of it. Look at Jesus life in total. He knows he is going to the cross. There are a million variables that could take Jesus life in another direction. What if more of the Pharisees believed Him? What if the people really had made Him a King after He fed the 5000? What if Judas got cold feet and backed out of betraying Him? He knew what would happen from the beginning and it happened as prophesies had foretold over a thousand years beforehand. He is in control today just the same. You can't read the Bible and come to any other conclusion honestly. But... and here is the but. But Unconditional Election and Irresistible Grace fail to capture what is happening in the life of Jesus and in the world today.

So, moving past our experience with one grumpy driver who rejected Jesus what does the Bible say about this subject. I think of Jesus experience with the Rich Young Ruler in Mark 10. A young man comes to Jesus and Mark records that Jesus 'loved him'. But when the young man hears what he needs to do (the conditions?) he walks away sad. Jesus does not chase after him or cajole him in any way. He lets him go. He invited the boy in and the boy refused. To apply Unconditional Election is to make irrelevant half the verses in the Bible. God gives us through out the Old and New Testaments 'conditions' that we are to meet. Isaiah 55 is one of the greatest OT invitations and in Acts 2 we see Peter inviting people to come again. He gives some pretty good conditions for coming- like repentance and belief- and I just can't read these without thinking that God is honest and upfront in His invitation. I do not believe that He is telling everyone that they are welcome when in fact, He is only calling some. I will get to Limited Atonement in the next post. We are commanded to seek the Lord and Jesus informs us that all who seek will find Him. Unconditional? How's this for a condition?
"But how are they to call on one in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in one of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone to proclaim him?" Romans 10:14
Those are conditions. In our work we see the truth that in places where the Gospel is boldly proclaimed people respond and in places where it is not there is little fruit. We are to go out to the highways and byways and compel them to come in. I appreciate that salvation is a gift from God, provided at great expense by God and it is only by His grace that I am saved. Our works can not save us but we must say yes to His grace. There are many Biblical examples of those who have rejected His grace. The Bible is full of the conditions that must be met to receive His grace. He was very clear about this.

I do not believe that holding such a view denies God's sovereignty. To use a poor analogy that is sure to break down somewhere, God is a master chess player. He will win the game. He is not surprised at the moves being made but anticipates and is prepared for them. Even now He is moving His pieces into position for the final push to the endgame. We must be out and about sharing the Word and giving the invitation. Many will reject Him but some will receive Him and be transformed into an army that will swell the ranks of His Kingdom until the whole of Heaven is filled with grateful souls giving Him the glory He deserves. I do not go in for the saying, 'Pray like it is all up to God and work like it is all up to you.' It makes a nice point about hard work but it is not good theology. No, pray as if it is all up to God and work for God is coming soon and will require an accounting of the use you have made of the costly Grace He has given you. We can resist His Grace as many have- we must not. We must accept His Grace and offer it in turn to a lost and rebellious world. He has commanded us to go and to love and to share. If we fail to meet this condition the judgment will be terrible indeed.

I just reread all of this and I am not happy with it. The bottom line of what I want to present is that of the character of God as demonstrated in Christ. He is an inviting God. In the parable of the Prodigal Son the Father is inviting the younger AND OLDER sons into the banquet. The invitations are genuine. Saying yes is not an act of self righteous works, it is the response He honestly seeks from all of us because He honestly loves all of us.

Practicing what you preach

I will now take a short break from my Calvinistic posts and tell a short story. This story could be construed to illustrate Total Depravity but that is not my intent.

We had a team meeting with our new family a few years ago and Legolas seemed to fit right in. I wanted to impress him with my deep spiritual nature and I gave a devotional on loving our enemy. I gave the example of the local traffic police who pull over drivers and shake them down for money regularly. I said that we needed to see the oppressor as a victim of his own violence. I said we should pray for these guys and present them with the love of Christ just as we do to the down and out. I said a lot of things and the next day as Legolas and I drove down the road the Lord decided he would test out my theory.

As Legolas and I turned a corner there were a couple of traffic police, one in particular that was notorious for being less than fair and truthful. He pulled us over immediately even though I had done nothing wrong at all. He asked for my documents and I pulled them out. My Identification Card, my drivers license, and my... my... hey, where was my local driving talon? It was here before. I looked and looked but now it was gone. He walked over to a large group of his friends with my documents- minus the talon- in hand. He announced to the group of around ten traffic police that wasn't it shameful for this foreigner to be driving without his driving talon. I replied that it was not as shameful as a traffic cop who pulled people over for no offense. Yeah.... how did that devotional sermon go again?
So, we got in my car and followed him to an office. This was unusual but he said we could pay a fine at the office and be on our way. I parked the car and when I went in to pay the fine the clerk said that I could have my car back when I came back with a driving talon. Hold on, I cried, I was just supposed to pay a small fine. Nope. My car was now in the impound lot and the traffic cop was no where to be seen. Legolas was mercifully silent as we walked about a mile down the road to public transport and then on to the talon office where I got a new talon and then headed back to get the car.

We got the car back and I was batting 500. I did not exactly pray the Father's peace on this guy but neither did I lose my temper. My advice to all of you is to preach the Gospel and as you go expect to find the opportunities to live it.

Calvinist Thinking: Total Depravity

I have a strong conviction about how to read the Bible. When we read a verse of scripture we should never interpret it in a way that is opposed to the clear meaning of other scriptures. For instance, 1 Corinthians 14:34 says, 'Women should be silent in the churches'. Taken out of context this seems pretty straight forward but when we read the rest of 1 Corinthians- much less the rest of the Bible- it is clear that women do speak and teach and proclaim within the Body of Christ. So we conclude that Paul is speaking about a specific situation here and not as a universal all-time rule for women in churches. By the same token Paul says many things about the character and nature of God, Man, Creation, etc. But we must always keep these in line with what has been revealed in Jesus. In John 14 Jesus makes an incredible announcement. He tells Philip and the disciples that whoever has seen Jesus has seen the Father. Do you want to know what God is like? Look to Jesus. So here is my point: Any interpretation of the Old or New Testament scriptures that is contrary to what Jesus has revealed to us about God can not be correct. Or to put it another way, we don't read Paul to find out what Jesus is like we look to Jesus to explain what Paul was talking about. This all sounds terribly complicated until we look at Total Depravity in the Calvinist system of thought.

Total Depravity according to Calvin meant that everything about Mankind is fallen and broken by sin. To Calvin's way of thinking this is a critical point in his theology because it sets up the number one point that John Calvin wanted us to understand about God. He chooses us, we do not choose Him. WE CAN NOT BY ANY MEANS FORCE GOD TO DO ANYTHING. I happen to believe that. But I do not understand Total Depravity the way some Calvinist consider it. Here, I will diverge from what some of you may have been expecting, namely a scholarly discussion of what Calvin thought. I am actually not too terribly concerned about what Calvin himself thought. I am much more concerned with what we think and in the conversations I have with Calvinists and non I am concerned with this Total Depravity issue. You see, Calvin may be right but I have two things to say about this. One, I believe that Man was made in God's image and that no matter how badly Sin has messed it up it is still in there. You can see it in the beauty of friendship, love, and forgiveness in Christians and non-Christians alike. I see this as God's original splendor still percolating beneath all the filth we have covered it with. So, while I- and every non-Calvinists I know- agree that there is no part of Man that does not need the redemption of Christ I will not yet declare Man totally depraved in the way that some Calvinists seem to think of Man. Man is not wholly evil. Second, Jesus does not see us this way.

If Total Depravity is technically correct or not too many Calvinists and non use it to misunderstand how God looks upon Man. When Jesus sits next to prostitutes and tax collectors the Word does not record Him thinking, 'What a bunch of despicable reprobates! There is no good thing in them and they make my skin crawl.' On the contrary, the Pharisees are rather annoyed with Jesus because He not only teaches them but seems to genuinely enjoy being with them. I know, I know, we are fallen, corrupted, 'All have fallen short...' Yes, I understand that. But when Jesus looks on the Rich Young Ruler who rejected Him the Word says, 'He loved him.' Think about that for a moment. Some of you may have thought, 'Ok, I know God loves me but it is solely because of the work of His Son. It is because of Christ's sacrifice for us that God can stand to look at us.' Or, some of you might think 'Well, of course He loves me. He knows all things and He knows what I will become in His Kingdom. He loves me for what He will make of me.' But the Rich Young Ruler rejected Him and would never become any more than what he was- in fact, he was probably never closer to the Kingdom than at that moment and the Word says he walked away. I have seen those who walk away and I bet some of you have as well. What they go on to become is never pretty. No, somehow Jesus loves us. He does not love the sin. He does not love us for the good things we occasionally do. He loves us.

Now, some may step in at this point and say, 'I see that He truly loves us but that is because He is so loving. It has nothing to do with who we are. We are yet totally depraved, utterly sinful.' My only response to that is that sometimes we say things we just don't think through. God does not love sin or depravity and yet He loves us. Therefore there is something about us that is not sin or depravity. I have a teenage daughter. If she came home one day and told me that she was a loving person and that is why she is going to marry a totally depraved, sinful, immoral man I would have a less than positive response to this. God loves us and He plans on marrying us!

Total Depravity is a good way of understanding our relationship to God in regard to our salvation. We have nothing and can do nothing that demands God's love. But do not then go on to understand that is all Man is. The King of Kings truly loves us. He finds a value in us that I do not comprehend but as we relate to one another it is perilous to forget that the King loves those whom you love, those whom you hate, and yes, even Democrats and Republicans. Let us treat each other with this love and leave Total Depravity on a theoretical shelf to be pulled down only when we get too prideful. But in my life I have seen more people rescued by the certain knowledge of God's love than the hell-fire sermons of a vengeful God who may or may not save us against His better judgment.

The Calvinist Way of Thinking

Theology is an interesting subject. It can be studied, analyzed, debated, or even gulped down whole like a glass of cold milk. Many of us do the latter. Well, of course we do. We grow up with admirable people around us who spout off probable or improbable things and we swallow them whole not so much because of what those ideas are but because we trust the person spouting them off. As an example look at what it means to be a ‘conservative’ in American life. If you are conservative you believe in the sanctity of life and therefore you are against abortion. You believe in the Second Amendment and therefore you are against gun control. And you believe that Capital Punishment is an acceptable form of punishment within our criminal justice system. I defy any of you to have a conversation with any conservative and leave off one of these positions. If you do you will quickly be told that you are not a conservative at all and as we know good Christians are conservatives and therefore you are not a good Christian. Some of you are saying, ‘Hey, wait a minute that won’t happen!’ Yes, my friend it will. And if we set the glass of milk aside and look at these three completely disparate issues we will see that it is ridiculous to equate the three in any meaningful way. Sanctity of life is a biblical issue. God created us and we should respect that. Gun Control? Give me a verse of scripture on that. It may be a valid discussion to have within our society but it is not a moral issue biblically. If I am opposed to gun ownership in our society it does not make me a cursed liberal God-hater. If I believe that Capital Punishment is wrong that does not make me a tree hugging hippie. So, you get my point I hope. I have brought up three volatile issues that will surely have your head reeling by now and I am trying to show that we don’t have to believe all of them in order to be a biblically faithful Christian even though we have been told we must by good people.

This unhelpful ramble brings me to Calvinism. We have been told by some good men and women that all Calvinists hate missions and if we give any space to them in our Churches then missions will decline and we will fade away. That is of course, non-sense. There are now and always have been lots of God loving, Bible believing, missions focused Calvinists just as there have always been those who believe in man’s free will to choose who never ever share the gospel with anyone. That is a false argument that has kept many in fear for too long. The truth is that some of my superiors here on the mission field are Calvinists. They love Jesus and they love to tell others about Him. I believe that Calvinists within Southern Baptist life have reminded us of important doctrines like purity, God’s sovereignty, and God’s grace. I am not however, a Calvinist. I think that the doctrines of Calvinism fail to describe to us what God is like. I believe that good theology tells us what God is all about- Theology is supposed to mean ‘the study of God.’ So, with all that I have said under our collective belts I would like to lay out what I believe about Calvinism and therefore what I think God is really like.

Calvinism best describes itself as doctrines of grace. When they talk about Grace there is much we can agree on and much that I like about the way they say it. But Calvinism is usually described by their famous TULIP. I think that this is interesting because the TULIP does not describe everything that Calvin himself believed. I remember talking with my supervisor who is a Calvinist once and someone came and joined us. After we continued our conversation for a moment the newcomer said, ‘Hey, are you a Calvinist!’ He was clearly surprised to find a Calvinist as a top leader in our missions agency. Before our leader could reply I said, ‘Yes, he is. We would complain about his infant baptism if we weren’t afraid he would burn us at the stake!’ It was very funny but it was not true. Even though Calvin believed in infant baptism and did have just one enemy burned at the stake my friend believes in neither of these things and yet is a Calvinist in good standing. I don’t understand that I just accept it as reality and move on. So, we will stick with the TULIP which stands for the following:

Total Depravity
Unconditional Election
Limited Atonement
Irresistible Grace
Perseverance of the Saints

Now, because this post is long enough as it is I will unpack each of these issues over the next couple of days. This subject touches on the Mission but as you can see it is a departure from my usual story telling agenda. I will return to story telling about what God is doing but I wanted to get my thoughts down about this important issue. I hope it is helpful for you as well as a good exercise for me.

Twenty Years

Twenty years ago today Arwen and I were married. Our marriage has been a tribute to God's grace. I am very thankful to be one with such a beautiful, intelligent, God-honoring bride.

We met at University. She was dating my roommate whose ambition it was to get rich and go into politics. She had other values and upon finding out that I was called into overseas work she set her sights on me and I had no chance at all. Twenty years later we have experienced much more than we had planned. We live in Middle Earth, we have four really cool kids, and God is opening up new doors everyday in the ongoing adventure that is our lives. It is the life I have always wanted and certainly never deserved. God's grace is amazing.

More on Brokenness

I have said it many times before and written about it specifically more than once: I am a big fan of brokenness. That's really odd isn't it? Who wants to be broken? There is a verse in a song that says,

Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for
Brokenness is what I need
Brokenness, brokenness is what you want from me

I like that song a lot. Jesus won our freedom on the Cross. It was in His brokenness that He found the victory. Now most of us spend the majority of our prayer lives pleading with God not to allow brokenness in our lives. Well, it isn't fun is it? But is 'fun' what we are about? If it is then we have definitely picked the wrong God. Fun in the sense of life is like a trip to Disneyland is not what is going to happen if you are faithful to the true Lord of All Creation. But before you panic let me show you what you will find if you follow the in the Way of the Cross.

Our missionary career began like few ever have. We moved to Middle Earth in 1996 and began trying to figure out how to get to Gondor. We had no workers in Gondor and our organization was intent on reaching 'All Peoples, Nothing Less'. The year after we moved there all the workers in Mordor were forced to leave. So, we moved into Gondor from Rohan and in the next year registered a disaster relief organization. In 1998 we went south into Mordor, responded to a huge earthquake crisis there and reestablished work in that country. In 1999 we saw a small church start and in the Spring of that year before I went on my first home-leave we baptized 14 people. All this in a Muslim country that had just come out of a brutal civil war and was still a very dangerous and violent place. It was awesome and we expected that in year 2000 we would return to more and more victories.

In year 2000 I came back to some irritating news. Other families joined us but they would not be on MY team. My boss decided that Mordor was not MY responsibility and he gave supervision of the new office and personnel there to someone else. There were no disasters in early 2000 and we all sat around wondering what God was up to. Why were we not making a difference in other peoples lives. One of the families decided to move to another city and set up another team. The other family on our team became increasingly contentious and decided that they would not support our disaster work anymore. They went out and did there own projects. I was reeling. MY self esteem was in the toilet. Everything I had built up had fallen apart. I went to a conference in 2002 and I learned that most of my problems were due to my lack of organizational skills. I was a terrible administrator and no one on the team felt called to step in and help. I got some books, cleared off my desk and got to work making sense out of my life and work. At the same time I thought I would now be able to pull my wandering team mates back in. I went to them several times and talked about new vision and new organization. They were unmoved. I kept hearing that they were talking bad about me and that they were unhappy with me. I went to them to confront them over their unbiblical behavior. I sat down and confronted them in one of the most painful meetings I have ever had. I laid out for them all the ways they were wronging me and they looked sheepish and would not reply. Then I pressed forward and demanded an answer and they gave one. It was me. I had betrayed their trust on more than one occasion. I had let confidences slip too often and I had not protected their reputations. It was me. I wept openly. I went away and prayed about it. I came back and talked to them again confessing my sin and weeping tears of bitter repentance. I wish I could say that our relationship was restored. They said they forgave me but our relationship was never the same. They left six months later and went to work in some new opportunities in Mordor.

I went on home-leave again in 2002. Arwen and I wondered what we would share in the churches we spoke in! Where were all the great stories of what God had done. We had not seen anything. Well, God is good and there were a couple of neat things that happened and we made the most of it telling others about what God had done in some friends lives. But we were empty. I stayed on my face before God all winter. I was like a zombie walking around with nothing inside. All the I's, MY's, and ME's had built up until the scales tipped and the story of my life collapsed like a house of cards. But in the early Spring of 2003 God began to speak to me in a still and very quiet voice. He was not through with me. There was more to do and I was going to go back and do it. He called me to put together a national team of guys who would work with me in Disaster Management. That team has seen villages changed, men and women come to faith, and faithful churches begun. There is no I, ME, or MY in any of it. Just God working in us and through us to make a difference in others lives. I never could be a witness to 2003 if I had not gone through 2002.

Brokenness, brokenness is what I long for. Brokenness is what I need. Brokenness is what He wants from me. And in return I get to witness the Kingdom of God being established in places you can not imagine. That beats the snot out of Disneyland any day.

Praying for Patience

One day Gandalf made an off-hand comment about needing more patience. His reply was quick and dramatic. "Don't you pray patience for me!!! If you do I will let all the air out of your tires!" Why you might ask would he respond so? Because if you pray for patience God will give you opportunities to practice. I really love the way God moves us forward in our lives. My boss says that 'God is ruthlessly committed to your sanctification.' Hmmm ruthlessly? Oh yes. I think we all have stories. God moves us forward through suffering- see Romans 5 or James 1- and he moves us forward by stretching our faith. Asking us to take great leaps of faith into the unknown is one of my favorite ways to grow. At least, it beats the heck out of life threatening illnesses. But God also moves in the small mundane things of life. Like through our children.

When we lived in Rohan we went through some really serious culture shock. We were deeply unhealthy emotionally and all of our relationships suffered. Arwen and I started yelling a lot at our two girls. Of course, they were in culture shock too so they behaved in ways that deserved to be yelled at a lot. But it was not good parenting. It was becoming increasingly out of control and one day after screaming at the girls in an uncontrolled rant I broke down. Arwen and I prayed together and then brought the girls in and sat them down. We told them that if they disobeyed they would be punished in appropriate ways but mommy and daddy were not going to yell at them any more. I have raise my voice on occasion but I can honestly say I have not broken this promise and railed on the girls the way we had done and neither has Arwen.
Well, after a promise like this you can count on it being tested. Not by the girls- they were 3 and 5- no, God was going to test this one.

I was cooking French Fries in the kitchen and had the potatoes and the oil out on the counter when our five year old Luthien came in. She just stood there quietly. I said, 'Hello sweety.' She didn't say anything. I turned back to the potatoes for a split second and when I turned back to her she was gone. And so was the open bottle of cooking oil. I took off out of the kitchen and into the living room- to her bedroom- to the next room- and then to my bedroom. I ran in and there she was. She was laughing and jumping on my bed with the open bottle of oil in her hand. Oil was flying out of the top and going everywhere. It soaked our pillows, sheets, dripped from the walls, and puddled on the floor. I took all this in in an instant and then immediately ducked out of the room and collapsed in laughter. I didn't want her to see me laughing but I looked up as I laughed and I knew without doubt that God had sent her to test my words which I had just uttered yesterday. I went back in the room and took the oil away from her and I gently asked her why she did that. She had no idea but I could hear Him laughing in Heaven with a deep laugh at the guy who promised never to lose his temper again.

Inviting Judgment

You can't make decisions for other people. I know. These words are both true and very depressing. Don't you think everyone would live a lot happier lives if they just listened to you? Lots of people feel this way and you know what? I think they are right. Others can often see the truth in a situation that you can not see in your own life. But in the end each of us lives our own lives and we are each responsible for our own messes. I have this friend who continually makes bad choices concerning his marriage. He is caught in a terrible mess. He married a girl for the wrong reasons and has ended up paying for it big time. So, what is my role now? How do I confront his past mistakes? How do I confront his present sins? How do I advise his future decisions? How do I relate to him in all the mess that is his life? Whenever we think about these questions over tea in a safe place the answers come easily but when we get out into real life we have a lot of trouble negotiating the rough waters of sin and judgment, of love and rejection.

I have two more pages of introduction but I think I will cut it all out and get straight to the story. My friend was in this terrible marriage as I said. His wife left him a couple of times a year. He deserved it, but then again she deserved him! She would badger and bait him repeatedly with the meanest mouth you have ever heard until finally he would haul off and hit her. Then she would cry about how abused she was and he would feel weak and powerless. He dealt with feelings of being weak and powerless by sleeping with prostitutes. Yeah- the good news is they are both professing Christians. I know, any sane person trying to find someone to disciple would run for their lives. But as you may have guessed I am not always sane and more importantly God asked me to disciple this guy. After a few years of ups and downs- some of which I have already written about on this blog though I am too tired and lazy to go look up the references- she left him seemingly for good and they went through divorce proceedings. His parents were delighted that he was finally free of her and immediately went out to find someone else for him to marry. They are not believers and don't think much of his faith. So, they set him up with a divorced Muslim girl. He asked me what I thought. I know. What would you say? The divorce papers were not even completely processed yet and his family had already set his next wedding date. He was completely passive. If his parents wanted this then who was he to fight it? Well, I had an answer for that but he was not up to it. So, he got married again. A national pastor friend of mine and I went to the small wedding. My pastor friend said, 'We can not support this terrible mistake but we must support our friend.' Well said I thought.

Four days later it was over. He left her and walked away. His first wife came back with their three kids and they all moved in together into the apartment while his second wife went back to her family in disgrace. I was sick at what he had done to this second woman. She already had a ruined reputation from the first divorce, this second marriage being dissolved before it began would destroy her whole family's reputation in their community. After all the bad decisions he had made I still couldn't believe he would make this bad of a decision and hurt this many people. A week later he came to see me. I couldn't let his decision stand uncondemned. I told him that he should never have done that to this poor woman. I was harsh. He was really ashamed and left. Many people to whom I have told this story have said I did the right thing. But I didn't. I did not do what Jesus would have done and I did not do what Jesus wanted me to do.

But you say, ' Hey Strider, sin is sin. We have to tell it like it is. Telling the truth is the loving thing to do.' Ok, but you need to be very careful here. We like to say that the devil is a liar and he is. But how the devil lies is important to understand. He lies to us most often by pointing out the truth. The devil tells us the truth about a lot of things. He loves to tell me how often I screw up. He loves to tell others how difficult, how tough, how hopeless life can be. It's true. But Jesus brings the truth in love and that makes all the difference. In the parable of the prodigal son the younger son has rebelled against his father and done lots of immoral things. The Father's response to this is to invite him back into the home as a son. The older brother's response is to condemn him and remind him of his sin. Both are speaking the truth but only one is representing God in the story. Jesus says that God is like the forgiving father in the story. Many times I play the younger brother, seeking my fulfillment in the world instead of at the hand of my father. Many times I am the older brother, unthankful, bitter, and judgmental. The father invites me in in any case. But you know what? God wants his children to grow up. We come to him as little children but we don't stay that way. We are to grow up and become like the father.

A year later I saw my friend on the street and I invited him in. I asked him to come to my house so we could sit and drink tea as friends. I saw my friend again just a few weeks ago. He and his wife came by to tell me about the ministry opportunities God was giving them and how blessed they were. I don't think all their problems have magically gone away but I do believe that God is working in their lives. He is working on those nasty sin problems but he does not do it with a sledge hammer. He does it with love. Love is the most powerful weapon in our arsenal. The next time I see a brother in sin I hope I will be honest with him about it but more than that, I hope I will invite him in. Only love will transform him. Do you believe that? I can hear your objections from here. The religious leaders did not believe Jesus either but in the end His love changed the world. My good advice will never change anything but loving others and inviting them in regardless of their sin will change everything.
Taste and see.

Up From the Ashes

I have been sorting pictures here in the West and I came across a picture of a friend I had not thought about in a while. I met him in the midst of tragedy about 8 years ago. We got up one Monday morning and heard that a local church had been bombed by some extremest. They had planted three bombs actually. One went off at the back of the large meeting room as the church's evening service was coming to a close. As everyone quickly headed for the stairwell a second bomb went off and when they got to the bottom of the stair well the third bomb praise God did not go off. Ten people were killed and more than fifty were severely injured. We grabbed a doctor who had just joined our team, and we headed to the hospital. I began meeting with distressed and confused church members milling around the hospital yard. They didn't know how many were injured or where they were. I asked where their leaders were and many didn't know. Then I found out that all the leaders of the Church had been arrested after the bombing. Only in Gondor! Our doctor set up a clinic to see all the victims who were released from the hospital so they could get real treatment. He cleaned open wounds and treated a lot of burns. Other team members helped them set up a command center in one of their houses. They cataloged everyone injured and where they were. I went to a European Human Rights organization that had some clout and asked them to intervene on behalf of the arrested Church leaders. They were released the next morning.

During this time we met Hurin. He was badly burned over 80% of his body. His head was burned black and swollen up like a basketball. I did not think he would live but his church members put some money together and sent him out of country for some real medical treatment. When he came back a couple of months later he was normal. I mean- really normal. He didn't look as though he had been burned at all. The color of his skin was not quite right to me but he did not look scarred. He was beaming and he told us his story.

Hurrin's Story
I was going down the stairs when the second bomb went off. I fell into a huge gulf of pain. I could not speak or move. I thought they would think I was dead- later I learned that I was screaming wildly but at the time I had no control of my body or any understanding of my surroundings. I passed out. When I awoke I was in worse pain than I have ever known or imagined. It went on and on. I called out to God to help me and suddenly I was somewhere I did not recognize. I was in a room that seemed to be a party but everyone there looked completely miserable. I was a little afraid of them as they looked grey, unhappy, and a little intimidating. I saw many of my friends and family there. I didn't talk to anyone but moved to the center of the room trying to stay away from everyone. Then suddenly I moved up through the ceiling and found myself in another room. It was huge. It was full of truly beautiful people. The women wore fantastic dresses and the men all wore brilliant suits and ties (at this point I, Strider was very discouraged to hear that there will be ties in heaven). I loved everyone and everything and I was very happy. They all seemed to be expectantly waiting for something to happen. Then I moved up through the ceiling again. I was in a really beautiful city. It was huge and seemed to go on forever and ever. The buildings were beautiful and I don't have words to describe how wonderful and immense it was. As I walked toward the center I noticed the light. The whole city was well lit but I could not see where the light was coming from. Then I saw Him. He was seated on a throne in the center of the city and all light was coming from Him. There was no one in this city. It seemed to me then that everyone in the previous room was waiting to come here. That is why they were so excited and happy. They were coming here. I walked up to the throne and fell on my face before it. Jesus told me to stand and I got up and faced Him. Love was pouring out of Him so that I felt I could asked Him anything. I cried out to Him and told Him that all my friends and relatives were trapped in the lower room and would never come to this place. He said they all could come but did not know they were invited. I plead with Him to do something for them and He said, 'Hurin, I am sending you. You invite them here and show them the way.' Then suddenly the whole city was full of music and it overcame me and I fell down. Then I was awake in my bed and the pain was completely gone. As the doctors tended me and the swelling went down they could not understand it. I was not scarred. It was a miracle. I came back to Gondor and I began working harder than ever. God gave me a word that told me that I would not only tell my story in Gondor but all over Middle Earth. Since then I have spoken to thousands of people in a dozen countries telling them about God's great invitation and the beautiful place He has prepared for all of us.

Hurin has been traveling for the last couple of years but last year came back to Gondor. He loves telling people about Jesus. What about you? When was the last time you shared with someone about God's great love for us? Invite them in. They are welcome at the throne. I hope we don't need to be blown up to be motivated to share our faith. Lord, just set us on fire!

Morale

Today we received a letter from Jerry Rankin who is, as most of you know our esteemed leader and President of the International Mission Board. In his letter he mentioned a phenomenon that I had noticed on other blogs namely that some are saying that our overseas workers are demoralized. He does not believe this to be true. I am here to tell you it is NOT true. Our overseas workforce is facing unprecedented challenges and is excited about seeing God come through again and again. There are two issues that are brought up by some as to why our M's are demoralized. One is the issue concerning the policies passed by the trustees over two years ago about Baptism and private prayer language. The other is the issue of annual reporting and whether we are ethical in our reports. I have strong feelings about both issues so let me tell it like it is.

First, the new guidelines on Baptism and Private Prayer language were unnecessary and wrong. But these guidelines apply to new candidates and not myself. They have not curtailed my work in any way so while I am concerned that our Trustees make good decisions I will not let their decisions good or bad make or break my day. I do not- as some have wrongly suggested- 'work' for them. I work for Jesus alone and I pray for these good brothers and sisters to make good decisions. End of story. Everyone I know on the field feels the same.

But now we need a story. I met three M's recently just outside of my 'Middle Earth'. I was deeply impressed by each one. M1 is an SC for an unreached people group. He is eager to engaged them in any way he can and has found several creative ways to do it. He is everything our organization is looking for but he feels that his fellow M's don't understand him and he often feels like he is not supported by our leadership. He is writing a letter to challenge them to adopt a new idea he has. He wishes that he had better fellowship with the other M's living in his area but feels estranged from them since they are on other teams with other focuses.
M2 is another SC for another unreached people group. He works with particularly difficult to access people and is constantly finding ways to improve security and maintain access. He is everything our company is looking for in an M worker. He wishes that he had better fellowship with the other M's living in his area but feels estranged from them since they are on other teams with other focuses.
M3 is another SC for an unreached people. His people are at least engaged and he does a fantastic job of motivating national leaders to reach their people. I suggested to him- what I had been told by several nationals- that the Church among his people had really taken off in the last ten years. He denied that and said no, the Church had been there for over fifty years and it was needing more growth. I think that it is interesting that he has been there for the last ten years and that is when most of the nationals think it has really taken off. Hmmmm. He wishes that he had better fellowship with the other M's living in his area but feels estranged from them since they are on other teams with other focuses.
Do you see the pattern? Each family I spoke with were tremendous men and women of faith. Each of them was seeing God work in their lives and ministries. But too often we all let the enemy speak in our ear. We allow him to convince us that we are alone and unsupported. It is not true. We are not alone and we have great support.

Now, about the reporting numbers I am growing weary of some of my colleagues comments about this. Some feel that we are reporting baptisms and church plants that we should not take credit for. Well, that depends on what you are measuring. A hundred years ago a good M went out, shared his faith, won some to Christ, baptized them, gathered them into a Church and pastored it until he could raise up national leadership. When he reported a baptism it was him that got wet, when he planted a church it was him that hammered the nails for the building. Those days are long past us. We have grown in our understanding of what it is God is calling us to. I have never physically baptized any man or woman from Gondor where I serve. Why? Because I should not. I empower nationals to do this. The nature of our work has changed. I am not an Evangelist, nor a Church Planter. I am a Church Planter Trainer and so are most of us out on the field today. When I report baptisms I am reporting baptisms done by national workers with whom I am working. This is not dishonest- it is the nature of our work. If people think that our baptism numbers represent baptisms done by M's themselves then our numbers are misleading but I don't think that is what people think. Our numbers represent the work God is doing in our lives and ministries. How many baptisms the national workers I work with are performing and how many churches they are planting is very relevant to why SB's pay me a salary to be here.

So, to repeat: We are not discouraged. We are excited about what God is doing around the world and we are over the moon about being a part of it. Join us in celebrating what God is doing to reach the Nations.

Back in the USA

After going to the high school graduation of my daughter we are now back in the West. I have just spent several days with my dad and have now traveled down to see my mom and brother. I will continue to blog this summer while I am here but I have had very little internet access so far. In two weeks we will check into an M house and be stationary for a while. There is much I want to say so watch this space.

Only the Strong Survive?

She was married at just 18 to a guy she had seen from a distance but never met. She was impressed that this was a strong man with a lot of respect in the community. He started beating her the first week they were married. She could take it, she was strong. She stood up to him and fought back. She worked hard to make their home a respectable place and she worked hard to maintain their respectable image in the community but the fights only increased and as Gondor melted down in a terrible civil war her marriage melted down with it. One day he beat her up until he thought she was dead. He stripped her and drove her out of town where he dumped her on the side of the road. The message was clear: She was garbage. She got up and walked back into town. She was shamed beyond repair. But she was strong, she could take it. She would survive. She moved back into her parents house and then after a year found a man to marry. The man she chose worked for the local police. The local police did not- and do not- have a good reputation but she thought he would take care of her. He too was not a good man. He beat her. She found out later that he was feared in the neighborhood as an evil, brutal man. But she could handle it, she was strong. Her life became more and more a nightmare as the civil war became more brutal and her husband became more violent. One day, she decided that she was not strong enough. She could not bear this kind of life anymore, but what choice did she have?

She ran into a friend of hers and she told her about a book that someone had given her. Did she know that her brother was talking to some foreigners who had some strange ideas? She took the book and went to study it in the group her brother was meeting with. The book said she would never be strong enough to succeed in this life. Only God could help her and he has sent Jesus to save her. After a few months she gave her life to Jesus because she was not strong enough to live life on her own.

Her husband was dismayed but he respected her brother so he said nothing. But she never stopped speaking about the love she had for Jesus. With the war going badly and the blood on his hands building up he too gave his life to Jesus six months later. This is truly the beginning of the story for Eomer and his wife. It was a long road to learn the ways of the new Kingdom they had become a part of. At first they thought this was a way to prosper, to get money. But after coming to us they slowly learned that the Kingdom of God has much more to offer than money. Meeting twice a week with a couple of the doctors we have on our team he grew and changed. Eomer joined a small house church and he and his wife began to grow together. After couple of years he began to pastor that little church, and after a couple more years he and his wife have become sought out speakers on how former Muslims can have a God-honoring marriage. They work as a team ministering to their friends and family through hospitality and going out to the villages together to share the good news that Jesus loves the weak, the outcasts, the poor, and the rejected.

It is my privilege to proclaim this Gospel. As I get ready to go home for five months I know that someone is going to say, 'You guys must really like it over there, huh?' I hate that question. I do not like it here. Minas Tirith has got to be one of my least favorite cities. But what would you be willing to put up with to know a couple like Eomer and his wife? What are you willing to do to see the Kingdom of God come and change lives one at a time until whole communities are transformed? I will gladly give my life and the life of my family to see the Kingdom of God spread to the ends of the earth. That doesn't make me heroic. That makes me His child. Taste and see.

Could Be Getting Older

One of my favorite lines from the first Indiana Jones movie is from a scene where the heroine says to Jones, "You're not the man I knew ten years ago." Jones replies, "It's not the years it's the milage." I certainly feel that now and again but yesterday really brought it home for me. I have always considered myself as macho as the next guy and through my college days and beyond I pretended that I was the great outdoors type. I don't think I really fooled anyone but myself but I had fun doing it none the less. Yesterday should have been a great day. I got up, met with the national team, Frodo, Sam, and Merry, and jumped in the Toyota Hilux to head out to the wild wilderness of central Gondor. We drove a few hours on poor roads then left the road to cross a river. After navigating our way through the river- there were no roads, bridges, or marked paths- we went up a mountain. We kept going up and up driving over donkey trails and no trails at all. Then we went down and down into a valley that was not accessible by vehicle unless driven by someone as nuts as we were. Like I said, this should have been great. But I spent the whole time wishing it were over. I dreaded the river crossing. I know the sinking feeling of taking a truck across a ford in the river and not being able to come out on the other side. Yesterday as we drove into the river I just knew that instead of going in a little ways and finding a firm rock bottom we would just keep going down into the water. We didn't- we made it just fine. As we climbed the steep mountain I just knew that we would role the truck, that we would bog down in a muddy patch, that we would get penned in and have to back out down a cliff edge. None of that happened. It was a nice day, a fun day, but I did not enjoy it. At forty five I don't think I am that old so as Jones says, 'It's not the years it's the milage.
But to make a point out of all this I will tell you one more thing. Every single time I have gone out and gotten stuck, broke down, stuck behind a landslide, or just in the wrong place at the wrong time the King gives me an opportunity to share my faith in Jesus with someone who has never ever had any access to the blessed good news. Every time. I was talking about this with a friend of mine this morning who does not have a dependable car and is thinking about buying a new one. He said, "So, in light of this we ought to buy less dependable cars?" I said, "Yeah, If I had your car Gondor would be won to the Lord by now!" I am quite sure that that is a good example of my constant use of hyperbole but the point is still clear to me. I may ford the river or I may not but God always has a plan for my day and it is usually a pretty darn good plan. I should not be fearful and I should not be upset when things go wrong, on the contrary I should always look up and say, "What's next Lord?" If we quiet our whinning and wait for a moment there is usuall a good answer. Yesterday a family whom we stopped and had soup with heard a lot of good truth about a very good God for the first time. It is worth the hard road to see the Kingdom go forth. Work while it is day for the night is coming when we might be broken down in the middle of nowhere- and then we should keep on working.

On Hospitality

I am a big fan of hospitality. So is one of the guys who works for us. I have not told many stories about Eomer, after all he is just a driver. Well, more than a driver he is a child of God and a follower of Jesus and that makes him pretty special indeed. He and his wife are from a village in the south and are the only relatives in the family who live in Minas Tirith. This means that whenever someone comes to the Capitol for business or whatever they stay at Eomer's house. He has a small apartment and it is always full. Some of his relatives come for weeks at a time. He is the first in his extended family to come to faith- actually his wife came to faith first. But at any rate- or at least at the rate I am going- he has a very active ministry to his family through hospitality.

But he has over these last years been discouraged. He is a leader in his small house group and quite frankly, he is a fine pastor. But his group has remained a small committed seven to ten people week after week for years now. Last year something happened to change his perspective and I hope it will influence yours as well! Last year an uncle came to visit him back in the Spring. He was a committed Muslim who highly disapproved of Eomer's decision to follow Jesus. Of course, as a guest in Eomer's house he would not be too rude about it. He mostly just verbally attacked Eomer's wife and children when he went out to work. Eomer sat down with his uncle one night and said, 'Uncle, you are always welcome in my house. You will not talk about religion with me or my family again while you are here. There on my book shelf is a Bible and a Koran. If you want to know truth read them and then if you have any questions you can ask me.' This was pretty abrupt but it is almost word for word what he told me he said. His uncle did not leave. He stayed for three months. They began to wonder if he would ever leave! And then one night the Uncle sat down with Eomer and said, 'I have read much of the books. What is this part in the Koran about Jihad?' The Uncle asked if Jihad meant what he thought it did- that Muslims were at war with the rest of the world and needed to bring the message of Islam to everyone else and to count all non-Muslims as enemies of God. Eomer answered, 'It's your book.' The Uncle said no, this can not be true. Jesus says to love our enemies. Jesus says that there is forgiveness. This is the kind of God that he believed in. Well, it took a while but the Uncle came to faith and was baptized. After another month he said to Eomer, 'It is not right that I stay here any longer. I must go back to the village and tell everyone there about Jesus.' He did. His sons who were very aggressive Muslims were very angry but slowly they changed their minds. Last week they too were baptized. Now, Eomer goes down every other weekend to the village to visit the new Church there in his uncle's home. Eomer is a changed man. He no longer thinks about growing a bigger house Church. Now he just thinks about how many Churches his little house Church can see planted in the lost villages of Gondor. There are two so far among his relatives- there will need to be many more.

As Eomer continues to serve his family like this I am confident that many more will come to faith and that many Churches will be established in the villages that up until now have been so hard to reach. Is your door always open? I pray that mine will be. It is not always easy but it is not supposed to be. The message of the Cross must be preached by the way of the Cross or it will have no power. Eomer's words have a lot of power these days- and you should meet his wife! Do my words have power? I pray that with more loving service they will be endued with the power that our Lord intends for them to have. Words that transform, cleanse, and create.

More on Seeking and Finding

I wrote this back in November of 2006. It is one of my better stories and since no one was reading back then (unlike now?) I thought I would repost it. It makes the point- too often lost- that we must focus on Christ and when we do everything else falls into place.

Vacation is a good thing. I like to get away to a beach and read lots of books when I can. It usually happens every few years or so. Way out east is a far away country that I will call Dale. It is a peninsula on the sea and now my daughters go to school there. One year we went there and had a great vacation. We stayed in the Capitol City for a few days, then went up to the mountains, then out to an island for a week. I had been doing the good dad thing up to that point and one day out on the island I decided that it was time to really get by myself and seek God. I needed to hear from Him about many important things that were happening and for that I figured I needed some dedicated alone time.

The island had a large hill in the middle of it all covered in jungle. I grabbed my camera and my Bible and headed out the gate of the hotel, turned up the road toward the village and began to look for a path up the hill and into the jungle. I had not gone even two hundred yards when up came old Tom. He approached me from the boat docks and asked me where I was going. I said I was heading up the hill. He introduced himself to me and began walking with me. He ran a tourist boat there on the island and was just getting off work. I told him that I really just wanted to go up and see if I could get a picture of a monkey or two. I didn’t need any help. No, no really, I will be fine on my own. Please, just…. I …. you don’t have to…. But I was not willing to be out and out rude to the guy. I really did not want to be with him. I was really despairing of wasting the only time I was going to get away by myself.

As we went through the villlage he said, ‘Wait right here, I need to get my walking shoes.’ He turned into a Budhist Temple while I stood wondering two things, how am I going to ditch this guy, and does he really live in this Temple?

He came out with his shoes on and we started up the road. I don’t know why he wanted to come with me. I told him I didn’t have any money but he said he didn ‘t need any. He was off work and was happy to wander around with a tourist. He said he knew a great place to see monkeys. I said, ‘So, you live in that …. temple?’ ‘Yes’, he said, ‘Isn’t it sad? All those poor hopeless people.’ I wondered about that. ‘So, you don’t believe um, your not a Budhist?’ He said that no, he was not a Budhist but that he rented a room in the back from an old woman who owned the temple. ‘So, what do you believe?’ ‘I am a Christian’, he said. I was floored. I am on an unreached island in a Muslim country. How is he a Christian? I asked him his story. He told me that he was working on one of the big ships that run the shipping lanes in that part of the world and a guy shared the truth with him. He had a Bible but after leaving that ship had had almost no contact with other believers. As far as he knew he was the only believer on the island and he was lonely.

He shared Psalm 23 with me. From memory. I talked with him all afternoon. We found a little cove with lots and lots of monkeys and I fed them bananas as we continued to talk about the King. We prayed together and then as the sun set we came back over the hill to the village. I said good bye and he gave me a ball cap. It was red and he told me, ‘Every time you see this cap or put it on your head you pray for old Tom.’ I still do.

As I walked up that final two hundred yards back to the hotel by myself the King and I talked. I said, ‘Hey, I thought I was going to get some time with you to hear from you today?’ He said, 'So you did. Whenever you seek me you will find me. When you find me you will find that I am always with hurting people who need my touch.'

This answered pretty much all my questions. You want to ‘find God’? Go out and serve someone who needs you. He’s there. This then is my strategy, my methodology, my philosophy of ministry all rolled up into one story.

Taste and see.

Striving to Love More

I have read Rick Joyner’s The Vision many times and I am impacted by his words every time I read them. This paragraph quoting Jesus is particularly meaningful to me just now.

“In My kingdom, authority comes from who you are, not your title. Your ministry is your function, not your rank. Here rank is earned by humility, service and love. The deacon who loves more is higher than the apostle who loves less. On earth, prophets may be used to shake the nations, but here they will be known by their love. This is also your call- to love with My love and serve with My heart. Then we will be one.”

Fredigar is looking tired

It has been a long day today. I got up this morning and did e-mail. Wrote some letters. Sent my daughter some emergency money to get her through her Senior Banquet- shoes, earrings, and a haircut were urgent indeed. I filled out a World Food Program proposal for a poor village- a Herculean feet to be sure. I then went out and helped a friend move into a new house. I sprinted from there- missing lunch- to a meeting about Bible translation and then went straight from there to a meeting about the new Bible College some friends of mine are establishing. But, no rest yet, I then went out with my wife to our house church where we had a meal together and then watched a video about God's work among Muslims. This particular video talked about the use of dreams in God's work with Muslims. It was very interesting. We got home around 8:30pm and then I finished reading the fifth Harry Potter book to my son. The book is over 750 pages long, pardon me while I catch my breath. But I can't go to sleep yet. I am inspired to write about Fredigar.

Fredigar and his wife come from the southern half of our planet. He is a lawyer and came to Middle Earth with great plans and ideas. He joined us and then set up a Christian law firm. I love him and his wife very much. When our friends in Anfalas were baptized a couple of years ago he said, "Praise God! I have been waiting nine months to hear about something like this." I told him I had been waiting for six years and he had better learn some patience. But he was determined to work hard and see instant results. He did work hard but he was constantly frustrated at the lack of tangible results. But he stayed at it. One day he was working with a young lady, her daughter, and her brother in a court case. He came to me and said, 'God called us to feed the hungry and this lady is hungry. I must take her in.' I thought it was a terrible mistake but God said to me right in that moment, 'Strider, he must do this for his own sake more than for hers.' I was not sure what this meant. I told him it was crazy but to go for it. He took them all in. He and his wife had been unable to have children and now late in life- not that late they are in their early fifties- they had a very disfunctional family. They were a mess. There were all kinds of issues and it is a long story but for now just know that the lady is not living with them anymore and they are now the sole provider for the little daughter who is just five years old. They also look after the teenage brother who has such severe issues they don't know what will become of him.

Fredigar continued to work at the law firm. He has been continually frustrated that he was not able to save Gondor in a year's time. But he wont quit. Today his office is a place of constant ministry. People come for counsel and they are prayed for and cared for. He started a small business enterprise recently to train local believers with a skill so that they could go out to the villages of Gondor and do ministry. As a lawyer he is continually sought out to give advice concerning the myriad of Governmental issues that assail all of us. Fredigar is looking tired. He has lost weight. His face is drawn. As I look at him I am concerned for his health both physical and emotional. But God is teaching me something new. It is a very old something new that I should know but somehow I have not learned. Under the old covenant the priest used to pour out drink offerings. Paul refers to this as he describes himself as being poured out on behalf of those he was called to minister to. Fredigar is pouring his life out in love for inumerable people in need. He is pouring his life out as a drink offering to Christ. He has loved and loved and loved until the lines on his face proclaim the passion and compassion of Jesus. I do not love this way. Oh, I believe in rest, in pacing oneself, in relying on Jesus to solve other's problems and not trying to be everyone's saviour myself. Fredigar understands this too. He just doesn't let it stop him from serving the poor with an unquenchable love. Fredigar is looking tired and I hope with all my heart that I can learn to be as tired as he is. I truly pray that I will be poured out as a drink offering for my Lord so completely that when Jesus returns he will find me with lines on my face and care-worn hands.

A Demonstration of Love

After the civil war in Gondor Minas Tirith was a dangerous place. We moved here in 1997 with two other families. Gandalf and his wife served faithfully and loved others well. Then things slowed down. Peace and some stability came. In 2000 we had some other folks join our team. One day our team went to a one year remembrance ceremony for a friend of ours husband who had committed suicide the year before. The men went in the morning and the women in the afternoon. Us guys had a good meal and talked and went home. The ladies were more spiritual. Since our friend was a follower of Jesus and all her relatives were not our ladies decided to worship by singing songs, reading scripture and praying. Half way through there was a loud explosion. A car bomb had gone off at the foot of the building. Gandalf's wife's first reaction was to run down 12 flights of stairs to the courtyard below to see if any of the children who had been playing down there were injured. I think that two had minor injuries- maybe one boy had a broken arm. After to seeing to the needs there everyone went home. Arwen, my wife, came in and told me about the beautiful time of worship they had. Then she said, 'Oh yeah, and a car bomb went off outside and the new ladies are pretty upset. They want to have a meeting this afternoon to process it all. I am not going- you know I hate that kind of thing- but of course, since your team leader you'll have to go.' Gee, Thanks Arwen.

I went to the meeting and it went as I thought it might. The old crew- Gimli and his wife, Gandalf and his wife, and I- listened impatiently as the new folks processed the event and became more and more hysterical. To be fair, just two of the women were quite upset. Then to my surprise Gandalf shared this story; a story I knew about but had never heard him tell the whole tale. I will share it with you now.

In May of 1998 there was a fierce battle on the edge of Minas Tirith. We didn't know if the country would plunge back into civil war or not and we were praying hard that it would not. Most foreigners lived in the north of the city- except of course, for Gandalf and his wife. They lived more in the middle. The skies were overcast and we told my young daughters that the booms they were hearing were thunder. On the second day a couple of shells were launched over the hill blindly into town- we think to try and hit the President's house- and blew up a home a few doors down from Gandalf's. He called me on the radio and told me what happened and that he and his wife were going to go and help. I told him to be careful. The next part of the story I didn't hear until that day in 2000. When they arrived at the house the scene was surreal. The walls were destroyed and there were neighbors and family scurrying around everywhere putting out small fires and helping people out. In the middle of a completely devastated room of the house a man stood crying and wailing uncontrollably. Gandalf approached him and noticed that his hand was covered in blood. He was concerned the man was injured. The man said he was not injured but showed Gandalf and his wife a piece of metal in his hand covered not with his blood but the blood of his daughter. She was dead, covered in a blanket in the corner of the room. The metal was shrapnel that had gone through her head. Gandalf and his wife tried to console him and get him out of the destroyed home. He went on and on about how this piece of metal had ended his own life. Gandalf in typical West Texas style said, 'Brother, if that thing is causing you pain get rid of it!' The man handed it to Gandalf and ask him to keep it for him. Last I heard he still has it.

Gandalf then radioed me. I told him to get out of that neighborhood and come to my house immediately. He said, 'OK.' and I was very surprised. I was not surprised when five minutes later he radioed back and said, 'How about plan 'B'.' He and his wife were going with all the neighbors to a basement in another neighbors home. The whole community was terrified and they wanted to stay and minister to them. I agreed but made them promise that at night they would come to my house and stay until the fighting was over. They did.

Now, it will probably shock you to know that this story was not too helpful to the new folks in the year 2000. They demanded to know what kind of place this was that they had come to. I lost patience at that point and said, 'Look, you can go home if you want to but the people of Gondor can't go anywhere. We came here to proclaim Jesus and they have never needed Him more.' And then I left the meeting. Gimli later said that in future the old guard should not be allowed to process with new people. Maybe he's right. All those new people stayed by the way and served God here in incredible ways.

I think about Gandalf and that bloody piece of metal sometimes. I hope that I will always have the fearless grace to stand and minister to people in the midst of chaos and tragedy. I think you get that by ministering to people in love everyday.